Re(s)training Order

     It's been a challenging six weeks.

     In a word: BUSY.

     Well.  I was really confident in my last post about breaking up with BUSY.  I knew it wasn't working and that our relationship was going nowhere good for me. I had solid reasons - and reasoning - for dumping him.  Let's face it, he's always been a freeloader.  He's demanded so much of my time and energy.  He's controlling and jealous.  BUSY made it hard to see my friends, my family, not to mention, my husband.
     (I actually think BUSY and Mike have a past, too, which is unsettling.)

     Problem is, BUSY and I have 40+ years together, and I should have known he wouldn't go down without a good fight.

     I was sure I could make a clean break, but it turns out that BUSY is an even worse ex-boyfriend than he was a boyfriend.

     A couple of days after I announced that we were through, I came home to find him in the middle of our living room.  He was sitting in the dark, leaning back, spread out wide and confident, like he owned the place... like he owned me.

     "How did you get in?" I asked as I dropped my bag on the table.
     He smirked as he held up and dangled his set of keys. I motioned for them and he lobbed them to me.
     "I don't need them anyway," he scoffed. "I can get in any time I want."
     "Are you threatening me?"
     "Just stating the facts."
     I waited.

     “Not so easy giving me up, is it?” 

     It hadn't been easy, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of saying it out loud.

     “Can’t stop thinking about me, can you?”

     Again, this was true, but not in a good way.

     “What do you want, BUSY?”

     “I want you back.” 

     I let out a deep breath. “Of course you do.  You want everything your way."
     "Seems you liked my way for a long, long time."
     "There's a difference between living a certain way and liking it. I get lost when I’m with you.”

     “You say that like it’s a bad thing.  Don’t you want to get lost in us?” He walked over to me and leaned in close.

     “No,” I shook my head. “No, I don't. You take me down to a dark, unrecognizable place.  I don’t see myself, the self I want to be when we’re together.  You and I want different things, BUSY, and you can’t be my priority anymore.  I need to be my priority.”

     “I see,” he stepped back, nodding slowly, pretending to reflect on my words  I know this act.  I’ve seen it before.  "So, that's it?"
     "Yup."
     He straightened up. "You know you can't cut me out. Your friends are my friends. They won't choose you over me."
     "That's for them to decide, BUSY."
     "I'm not going to just disappear. I rule this town."
     "That may be true, but you won't rule me."
     "We'll see," he said.  BUSY stopped at the door. "See you around, Stephanie.  See you around every corner.  Every single corner.  Just when you think you're alone, I'll be there."
     "Get out, BUSY."
     "Oh, and uh... nice speech." He closed the door, but I knew he was still there, standing on the other side.  I walked over and flipped the deadlock and heard him laugh.

...

     So, now what? Well,  I'm working on a re(s)training order.  The most important part is firm consistency.  Sometimes I feel myself slipping back, softening to him, missing whatever that was, but I need to recalibrate my thinking and behavior.  I need to change my muscle memory. BUSY continues to lurk. He appears out of nowhere, often at the worst moments, and it always unnerves me.  But every day that I don't reconcile is a hard-won victory.

     I know this is difficult for you to read.  I know this hits way too close to home, because you've been with BUSY too.  Oh, he told you that you were exclusive?  BUSY gets around.  What, he told you his name was Productive?  Yeah, that's his brother.  Don't be fooled, they are not the same.

     BUSY is serious trouble. You may want to file a re(s)training order, too.