Busy Signal

It’s February 9, 2013, and I am still mailing out our Holiday 2012 cards. 

Let me clarify.  They’re not holiday cards anymore.  In January, I repackaged them as New Year cards.  The cards sported a snowflake design, so I felt justified in considering them seasonal.  Then February appeared, and I had almost a dozen still unsent.  Every year I manage to address and stamp envelopes for a few sad cards that never make it out of the house, but I was determined to change course this year, so I bought some heart stickers, and voila~

Not my classiest move, but worth a chuckle, right?  If someone is on my holiday card list, then I imagine he’ll understand my odd humor.  (Soroko Family, this last one is yours, and I’m sending it today, you lucky ducks!)

Yes, I tried to stay light-hearted about my Holiday/New Year/Valentine’s Day card project, but a nagging guilt pervaded.  How is it that other people managed to complete a simple act of kindness and communication and I had not?  I've sent handwritten, personalized messages every year for as long as I can remember, and this year, not one went out before January 4. 

My mind and tongue kept returning to that word... 

BUSY.

“I’M BUSY!  I’M SO BUSY!” ran on continuous loop.

Why the constant buzz of BUSY?  Who isn't BUSY?  Why did I have such an overwhelming need to say that word? 

Justification. Being BUSY justifies everything I have and haven't done.  It's been my excuse for whatever project I couldn't complete but also for every second I've wasted.  I watched "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" because I deserved it!  After all, I'm very BUSY and I need some time to decompress. Oh BUSY, BUSY, BUSY me!

Competition. Let's face it.  I'm trying to keep up with everyone around me.  There's a part of me that wants other people to know that I'm not slacking.  I want to have a list of things to tick off when someone asks what I've been doing lately.  It seems too embarrassing to answer, "Nothing, really."

Last week, I heard myself say the word BUSY one too many times, and all circuits overloaded.  I'm so sick of that word, so sick of the guilt and the never-ending buzz around it.  BUSY is a four-letter word, you know.

And that's why I broke up with BUSY.  I decided to change my words and let my actions follow.  It's only been a week, and the adjustment has been challenging, but it's been really (and I'll try to say this without eye-rolling) transformative.

Language really creates the relationship to what we do.  I've often written or said "I have to..." or "I need to..." and those both make me feel obligated and pressured.  So, I'm switching to "I choose to..." or simply, "I am..." in the hopes that they let me feel like I've got the power.  I'm in control of my choices, 24/7/365.

I've also decided that I'm just going to talk about spending or enjoying time.  No more judging it by referring to time wasting.  By God, I can spend time watching bad television without any justification or apology. I mean it.  I have a finite number of hours to fill in whatever way I do, and a natural ebb and flow is necessary.  

Finally, all time schedules are temporary.  I had dinner with a best friend the other night and I started to lament that we both have so much else going on that we haven't spent time together like we used to.  I know, though, that the time will pass.  I will finish up with these other things I've chosen to do right now, and my focus will change. I have chosen how I'm spending time right now for good reasons, and soon, other priorities will come into focus.  

Who thought I would be so grateful for a busy signal?  

Wishing one for you, too.

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By the way, everybody, my amazing friend Carol is a life coach and has started a website and practice devoted to the power of our words. Check her out:
http://wordforgood.com/
http://www.whynotthrivecoaching.com/
You can also find her on Facebook.